Things I Wanted to Tell Mom, Chapter 2

Kim Crawford is a man. Let that sink in. 

 And he sold his label for a bazillion dollars and retired. Then his wife got tired of him being at home and told him to start making wine again. So he did. It's called Loveblock and it's delicious. And there's a sunflower on the label which also makes me think of you. 

 Dad's on his way here to hug us and be with us. Hopefully our chaos is the distraction he needs. He's lonely, Mom. It's heart breaking. Almost as painful as losing you actually. Going to do my best to lift him up but not sure he's ready yet. Not sure any of us are. Feels like you've been gone for a month, it's been 5 days. How is that even possible?

 Here's what I've learned about grief so far. It's weird and not uniform and looks so different on everyone. I can go about my day, because I don't have a choice, and function. I'm sad and it feels like there's a rain cloud above my head but I can be mostly present. Then I get an email from someone and they talk about how wonderful you are and how much our family has taught them about life and death and I'm frozen. I know it was never your intention to teach anyone anything when it came to cancer. But you did. The exact words of the email were "your family gave a master class in saying goodbye with dignity, hilarity and love". Man it didn't feel like that, did it? It felt so messy and bumpy. But we did it the only way we knew how. With tears and laughter and making sure I knew exactly how to make the stuffing for Thanksgiving. Just wanted you to know you're still educating. 

 And nice move with the one random ice cube in my wine last night. I believe my friends exact words as she handed me the glass were 'I have no idea where that ice cube came from'. I know where it came from. 

 Some chapters are shorter than others. 

Comments

  1. tbreedeMarch 6, 2020 at 3:18 PM

    Beautiful friend, you are surviving. Let it be whatever it's meant to be and keep choosing to rise. And when you feel like you must take to your bed, take to it. It's no place to stay but it's a good place to rest. I love you and continue to hold you so close. ❤️

    ReplyDelete
  2. Aly SchroederMarch 7, 2020 at 1:38 PM

    Messy & bumpy is more beautiful and more meaningful than we give it credit for ❤️

    ReplyDelete

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