05.21.2005
Today I have been married 15 years. We have been married 15 years, I should say. I'm truly the luckiest. I have one of those loves, one of those marriages that just works. It's happy and easy and filled with laughter. I am so grateful.
15 years ago today, my Mom planned and executed the best night of my life. When we were in Georgia last week I found 'the binder'. It's red, of course. And on the front in sharpie is written "MOB". Mother of the Bride. It held everything, all the details, magazine clippings, price quotes, even her business card and a 'if lost return to!" note.
I have no doubt that the months and weeks and days that led up to our wedding were some of the most stressful of my Mom's life but she didn't ever let me know it. We used to joke about the week before the wedding how she would say 'yes' to anything I wanted. It was fantastic! You want the bridesmaids to wear 'celadon' dresses? Sounds like a great idea! Earrings and an over budget necklace for the big day? Sure absolutely. Oh, you're going tanning instead of doing the seating chart? Ok, sounds good! Oh people are coming in town three nights before? Sure we can host dinner at Seamus McDaniels and then at our house and then the rehearsal dinner and then the wedding. Absolutely. She worked so hard to make that entire week a dream come true for me.
I'm reading a book called Glitter and Glue. One of my best friends sent it to me after Mom died. It's a memoir. Some sentences struck me the other night. "What is it about a mother that makes her so hard to see, to feel, to want, to love, to like? What a colossal waste that we can only fully appreciate certain riches--clean clothes, hot showers, good health, mothers--in their absence." I folded down the corner of the page and revisited it yesterday and again today. Did I appreciate her? Did she know how much I valued her? Were the times I was annoyed with her fewer than the times I was enamored with her? I hope they were. I'm pretty sure they were.
I know Mom died knowing how much I loved her. I told her. Over and over and over. On this blog. In person. In cards. Text messages. Emails. I would have written in the sky if I could have. I know that 15 years ago today I fully appreciated her for everything she was and everything she did. And I know that 15 years ago today, she knew that she made my dreams come true.
15 years ago today, my Mom planned and executed the best night of my life. When we were in Georgia last week I found 'the binder'. It's red, of course. And on the front in sharpie is written "MOB". Mother of the Bride. It held everything, all the details, magazine clippings, price quotes, even her business card and a 'if lost return to!" note.
I have no doubt that the months and weeks and days that led up to our wedding were some of the most stressful of my Mom's life but she didn't ever let me know it. We used to joke about the week before the wedding how she would say 'yes' to anything I wanted. It was fantastic! You want the bridesmaids to wear 'celadon' dresses? Sounds like a great idea! Earrings and an over budget necklace for the big day? Sure absolutely. Oh, you're going tanning instead of doing the seating chart? Ok, sounds good! Oh people are coming in town three nights before? Sure we can host dinner at Seamus McDaniels and then at our house and then the rehearsal dinner and then the wedding. Absolutely. She worked so hard to make that entire week a dream come true for me.
I'm reading a book called Glitter and Glue. One of my best friends sent it to me after Mom died. It's a memoir. Some sentences struck me the other night. "What is it about a mother that makes her so hard to see, to feel, to want, to love, to like? What a colossal waste that we can only fully appreciate certain riches--clean clothes, hot showers, good health, mothers--in their absence." I folded down the corner of the page and revisited it yesterday and again today. Did I appreciate her? Did she know how much I valued her? Were the times I was annoyed with her fewer than the times I was enamored with her? I hope they were. I'm pretty sure they were.
I know Mom died knowing how much I loved her. I told her. Over and over and over. On this blog. In person. In cards. Text messages. Emails. I would have written in the sky if I could have. I know that 15 years ago today I fully appreciated her for everything she was and everything she did. And I know that 15 years ago today, she knew that she made my dreams come true.
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