Healing Squad, assemble.
When I was 14 I had an anterior-posterior spinal fusion. I've got some rods and some screws in my back. It was a big deal back then. But now? I don't really think about it. My back is straighter thanks to it and I'm stronger because of it.
Before my surgery my mom had t-shirts made and sent them to friends and family all over the country. "Corey's Healing Squad". They were purple. Everyone had one and mine appropriately read 'Captain'. Even my surgeon had one.
I was online yesterday, designing shirts for my family. "Bubbles' Healing Squad" they were going to say. But somehow a shirt didn't seem like a strong enough way to support her.
Mom's having surgery. It's less than 2 weeks away. It's invasive and scary and the recovery will be long and painful. But it's the best option she's got. See, they live in Cancerland. And it's dark and lonely and scary and she doesn't feel well. Because chemo sucks. So she had a choice to make. Continue chemo every three weeks for the rest of her life and in the weeks in between sit around and read and feel pretty shitty or surgery. A lot of people are content to read and watch TV all day long, but if you know my Mom, that's not her. So, surgery it is. I know it's not a decision she came to lightly. I know she and my Dad have lost sleep and have cried and have talked and researched until they are blue in the face. In my heart, I know this is the right decision. Surgery will give Mom a reprieve from chemo. It will allow her to exist outside of Cancerland (I don't think you ever fully leave but just being a few miles on the outskirts of town will be a much needed break). Not forever, but once she's recovered, it will give her time. And more than that it will give her control.
On September 23rd, 2016 she lost control. She had plans. Travel and education and ice cream. Their plans were ruined and they were forced into Cancerland where you exist in a continuous cycle of doctors appointments and treatments and blood tests and articles about cancer and books about dying. And you can't ever leave because the cancer isn't leaving. If the surgery is successful... when. When the surgery is successful it will allow her to travel and make plans and do bucket list things. Give her some control of her life back. Let her decide the next steps instead of the cancer doing that for her. Isn't that what we all want? What we all deserve? To be the masters of our own fate?
The next step in this journey will be hard. And long. And painful. But I'm so hopeful that it's going to be in the right direction. Away from Cancerland. I so desperately want her to have some life back. Real life, not cancer life.
Before my surgery my mom had t-shirts made and sent them to friends and family all over the country. "Corey's Healing Squad". They were purple. Everyone had one and mine appropriately read 'Captain'. Even my surgeon had one.
I was online yesterday, designing shirts for my family. "Bubbles' Healing Squad" they were going to say. But somehow a shirt didn't seem like a strong enough way to support her.
Mom's having surgery. It's less than 2 weeks away. It's invasive and scary and the recovery will be long and painful. But it's the best option she's got. See, they live in Cancerland. And it's dark and lonely and scary and she doesn't feel well. Because chemo sucks. So she had a choice to make. Continue chemo every three weeks for the rest of her life and in the weeks in between sit around and read and feel pretty shitty or surgery. A lot of people are content to read and watch TV all day long, but if you know my Mom, that's not her. So, surgery it is. I know it's not a decision she came to lightly. I know she and my Dad have lost sleep and have cried and have talked and researched until they are blue in the face. In my heart, I know this is the right decision. Surgery will give Mom a reprieve from chemo. It will allow her to exist outside of Cancerland (I don't think you ever fully leave but just being a few miles on the outskirts of town will be a much needed break). Not forever, but once she's recovered, it will give her time. And more than that it will give her control.
On September 23rd, 2016 she lost control. She had plans. Travel and education and ice cream. Their plans were ruined and they were forced into Cancerland where you exist in a continuous cycle of doctors appointments and treatments and blood tests and articles about cancer and books about dying. And you can't ever leave because the cancer isn't leaving. If the surgery is successful... when. When the surgery is successful it will allow her to travel and make plans and do bucket list things. Give her some control of her life back. Let her decide the next steps instead of the cancer doing that for her. Isn't that what we all want? What we all deserve? To be the masters of our own fate?
The next step in this journey will be hard. And long. And painful. But I'm so hopeful that it's going to be in the right direction. Away from Cancerland. I so desperately want her to have some life back. Real life, not cancer life.
Tshirt or no tshirt, I am in this squad. Sending prayers and positive vibes. The ice cream and travels are waiting!!!
ReplyDeleteCorey your blog writing is powerful and helps all of us in your mom's squad be more supportive and understanding. Thank you for allowing us in and to share in the pain and hope for more dancing. Kathy
ReplyDeletePlease keep us posted! I think of you all often and keep reading your blog ❤️ Hugs.
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